843 in Italy
Growing up, I had only heard of places across the world from TV shows and movies so being able to see Italy was both a dream come true and a wake up call at the same time. My dreams always reach back to the things I saw growing up, for instance, settling down and building a family to secure lineage was one of the main things I was taught coming up. It was either the most recurring question or it was the elephant in the room whenever I returned home single, yet again. Growing up, I only saw "normal relationships," I only saw the love between my mom and dad, and I only remember bad days if they affected me personally(cc: ass whooping or not getting the name brand shoes I wanted).I think for the longest I was running from this fear of failure in that department or in regards to the dreams I thought I should obtain. I felt like a failure for things that I was not willing to settle or compromise on. That tug of war between what made me insecure and confident only magnified underlying fears.
Traveling to Europe really solidified something in me that was dormant for a long time. Traveling in general for me "use to be" a measure of success or a way to benchmark how far I had come in life, but in reality being there made me question my existence while calmly reminding me of how I am everything and I am nothing. That was actually a quote my best friend who accompanied me in Italy told me. I am everything and I am nothing was something that was recurring with me throughout the days in Europe. Seeing architecture that was both intricate and yet old as hell but yet so beautifully restored reminded me of the importance of securing a legacy that YOU can be proud of. It was in those moments, I saw and felt something that I couldn't make sense of, something that was occurring within me. How could I feel nostalgic for a place that I had never been to? I had bouts of deja vu those couple of days and I realized at the end of the trip that maybe it wasn't the actual "thought" of traveling abroad but that finding yourself--that is the part of what happens when you leave your normal "bubble."
Being able to wear my grill and take pictures inside the museums that house some of the greatest works from leaders and storytellers of our ancestral time made me want to secure exactly how I want to be remembered, but it also made me celebrate who I am now. I think I get so caught up in trying to achieve so many things on a surface level that I lose sight of where the real quality is found,what it was I was suppose to learn from the process or the takeaway. I was always in a rush to experience things, to “ catch up”or completely disregard the journey. I am learning to not be in a rush to pursue things but yet still be diligent in chasing the dreams I now see for myself. Also, S/O to Solange for making the last day of my trip worthwhile with the IG shoutout as well as providing me the soundtrack for my entire trip with music from “When I Get Home.” It was also cool shooting my album art in the same place/area Gwen Stefani shot “ Cool.”