Online Dating: WTF?!

Okay, I want to start off by saying—I am not dumping on my generation what so ever. I believe fully that we can love and have lasting relationships. I do think that we treat marriage as an ‘add-on’ to a full life rather than the end all/be all goal in life. Is it right? Who knows? The folks before us didn’t get everything right and we won’t get it all right either. The national divorce rate is 50% (https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/)… So, we’re all really just taking a chance.

I’ve found through research that about 17% of marriages happen from online dating. And the best part about this statistic is that—that means 83% of marriages are derived from in-person meetings (we’ll talk about this another day). Today, I want to talk to you about online dating.

First of all, what the F**K? ! I haven’t really honestly ever given online dating a real go at it before this point in my romantic dating life. I dipped my toe into the Tinder pool a LONG time ago and I gave Hinge a try a few years back but other than that—“organically meeting someone” has been the name of the game. And that has yielded a married man (I didn’t know—read the post I wrote about this catastrophe), an old man with Peterpan syndrome and a slew of f**kboys who are not worth mentioning in more detail. Now through self-reflection and therapy, I’ve realized my part in a lot of these situations—so I won’t be unpacking that in this post. BUT what I want to talk about is not to help me. It’s to help the slew of gentlemen out there trying to score. And if scoring to you means landing a date—great. But if it means what most of your profiles say it means—here’s a bit of advice. So please walk to the front of the crowd and let me put you on some game:

  1. Women in your profile pictures will NOT make me believe that other women love you and I should too. Your mother in your picture is nice—but that too doesn’t make me want to date you let alone sleep with you.

  2. Props are not needed in photos. Please leave out the guns, money, a blow up (insert any phallic object here), chains, crazy big hat, you “in the stu”- (studio for those ill-versed) candidly “rapping” or anything that doesn’t make sense. The photo is supposed to convince me as to why I would want to date or sleep with you. Not your accessory game.

  3. We get it—you were in your brother’s wedding and you wore a suit. EVERY PICTURE can’t be in that damn suit. We can tell it was the same event, playboy.

  4. If you’re short—don’t post a picture where you’re standing next to your tallest friend/family member. We are comparing your heights and you will look shorter than you even are.

  5. We KNOW YOU BE IN THE GYM, but sir—every photo shouldn’t be in front of those damn mirrors.

  6. If she looks like your girlfriend in the photo—and we don’t like that sort of thing, we’ll believe she’s your current girlfriend. Take the photos ALONE. This deserved it’s own number but you can also refer back to point number one.

  7. Look approachable in your photos. In the times we’re in now—women are more vigilant and skeptical (with good reason). So if you look like a creepy sociopath you will be declined.

  8. When you’re communicating—actually communicate. Don’t just answer a question. Always have a follow up question. And really read what the other person is saying—we care when you take interest. And a man that shows he’s genuinely interested typically gets the drawls.

  9. Be honest. One guy’s profile I came across had about 3 pictures with this lovely looking blonde and below there was a comment stating that if you selected to date him—you’d also be dating his girlfriend (the blonde in the photos). It’s not my thing, but I appreciated the honesty.

  10. Don’t be over-sexual in your communications unless the other person explicitly wants that sort of thing. You will turn a person off INSTANTLY with unwarranted sexual innuendos and language. You never know, the other person may have those SAME intentions but if it’s not expressed explicitly DON’T THRUST it UPON THEM.

    It’s honestly all pretty easy—no gimmicks, no explicit sexual advances (unless expressed from the other party), use your communication skills and don’t be a jerk. IF this only helps ONE guy turn his profile around—I’ve earned my wings.

Here’s to happy and healthy dating 20 Somethings. I don’t know if my next partner is online but I hope he’s not out there being an ass.

xx,

brandisjaniese

Brandis Haynes