The Defining Moment: Self-Awareness

I have tried to write this blog for over three months now, but for some reason I can’t seem to find the exact words I’m looking for because I don’t think this topic can be addressed in just one post. So stick with me until the end of this post, I have a little announcement…

I believe that being self-aware is the best quality we can have in life.

So, I’m not going to share with you how, step by step/examples, I got to this point per say—but I want to share with you why I took becoming so acutely self-aware seriously. And I want to share in a series what becoming self-aware has done for me emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

By definition:


self-aware·ness | \ˌself-ə-ˈwer-nəs  \


: an awareness of one's own personality or individuality.

(2) conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires.

Okay, now that we’re all on the same page of what it means—let’s unpack it a bit. We are in the age of everything and everyone declaring what it is to be a millennial, a woman in 2018, a black (wo)man, a homosexual (also see any other identifications on the LGBTQIA Spectrum), a democrat, a republican, a criminal, a humanitarian, an artist, a THOT, a fuckboy… we get it—labeling is sort of ‘the thing’ now. Who “you are” has become our unique calling card. Some wear it like a fashion blogger tagging their coat on an Instagram post—they lead with their “identity,” whatever that may be to them. We all are grouped and identified by these qualifiers. And these groupings and associations are supposed to mean something, which in some ways they do. But to really get at who we are—who we really are, you have dig way beyond that.

This is why I really like that second definition of self-awareness because it goes beyond just individuality, even past personality down into character, which is made up of our feelings that really drives our motives and desires. These are actions that drive why we do the things we do, and in turn make-up who we really are as a person. The ‘why’ drives the ‘who.’ Have you ever had someone do something to you—maybe hurt you, and you question who they are as a person or who you thought them to be? Our actions directly relate to our character/personality.

You should be able to assess situations and automatically know how you’re going to handle it based on knowing who you are—outside variables should not affect who you are at your core if you are self-aware.

The essence of who you are should remain steady no matter what happens or who is around you. Take for example, the one guy that you let play with your emotions and yet you stayed in the unhealthy relationship. And then, when it ended badly you began questioning why you handled this situation differently than all the others. The key here is that you should be so tuned into yourself that these situations are either avoided all the together or stops at the first sign of wrong-doing. You forgot yourself. You forgot how this made you feel before—or you decided to participate knowing it was unhealthy because the motive wasn’t longevity it was a ban-aid to patch up loneliness.

The sum total of yourself should be void of other’s opinions, feelings or even actions. Self-awareness starts and stops with you.

There’s clarity in self-awareness. There’s a sense of faith that is unshaken when true self-awareness has been reached. And there’s a real sense of peace that is found when you master self-awareness. How do you get to this point? To the point that you know yourself so well, that you can clearly see the intentions set for your life?

I’m not saying anything that’s groundbreaking or that you haven’t heard before, mainly I am just coming up with connections that we have all made in parts fit into a whole. I fall short of understanding exactly my life’s intentions because I allow doubt to cloud my clarity (I’m working on this). But in every instance that I’ve trusted myself and believed 100% that whatever I put into the universe will happen the way I wanted, I’ve received blessings and growth that would make someone think I’m lying.

This all stems from being self-aware.

I hope that you all will join me starting January 2019 on my IGTV channel and IG Live (@brandisjaniese) to tackle the topics surrounding self-awareness and how to Tap Into You. This will be a series I’m starting to have the conversation and get more in real-time interaction and feedback from you all about the things that matter. I’ll bring on guests during IG Live sessions and really addressing the issues that blocked me from fully tapping into myself in hopes that it helps you all.

The Contributing Writers and I have one more post going live in 2018—so keep your eyes peeled for that!

As always, I’m here—DM (@brandisjaniese) or email ( me anytime. Leave a comment below! Cheers to the last weekend of 2018!



Brandis Haynes